I am not a militant feminist. I’ve never been one. Unfortunately, I did believe their spew about having it all. We could put our personal lives on hold, defer having children until later and concentrate on a career. Women could have it all. We did not need a man in our lives. We could do it ourselves.
The career was a blast. I had my politics. I was a lobbyist. I had just enough trust money for me to rack up a hundred thousand frequent flyer miles a year, enabling me to travel, first class, and free, first class to the Islands at least once, if not twice a year. My career was such a blast, when Reagan was POTUS, I was even cleared for White House press.
Along the way to ‘success’ I noticed something. Women who opted for marriage and at least one divorce or were fortunate enough (sarcasm) to have been widowed young, with healthy life insurance pay-outs, were doing much better than I was, financially. They were on their second or third marriages. They had fancy cars, new houses, and a tremendous amount of spending money. If they were also sluts, it was even better. I was stupid enough to opt for morality and decency. Sure, I could still have it all, and hold on to my morals.
What a joke.
By the time I was thirty-five, it became quite obvious women who were moral and decent were getting the shaft. Not only were they being ignored as potential marriage partners, but they were getting the crap jobs. Men were no longer interested in morality or decency. Why buy the cow when you could get the milk for free? Decent women were and are totally screwed. We’re not wanted, anywhere. And – it has become worse.
What feminism never told us is there would come a point in life when we were required to literally give up everything to care for our aging parents. The career was ruined. Life savings were depleted. Forget even having a social life. Our lives became one of unpaid and unwanted servitude. Those of us who had deferred marriage and family were/are the ones chosen to care for the elderly parents. In the process we lost out on that late career. We lost out on that home, family, opportunity, retirement savings, and having a good time in life.
Nope, we’re screwed.
We are alone.
Are lives are not going to get any better.
We are going to die, alone and unmourned, unwanted, and totally disposable.
We aren’t even a asterisk on a genealogical chart.
Once we’re dead, we are useless and forgotten.
That is our fate. That is what feminism has done to my generation of women. I am alone. I am tired, exhausted, falling apart, and despondent over my future. I have no one. Because of the lost decade caring for my parents, I lost my place in the world. No one wants women like me around them. The world is based on couples. If you are not part of a couple, divorced, or a widow, then as a woman, you are nothing, absolutely nothing.
It hurts, literally. Because we are alone and unwanted, even if there is a modicum of disposable cash, there is absolutely no one to go to for help. A year ago, as I was moving into my new house, I was bitten by a brown recluse spider. The toxins went into my joints, causing my arthritis to be crazy. I moved my left knee the wrong way, while I was sleeping one night in February. Since then, I’ve been barely able to walk. I’ve been wearing the same two skirts for a year because I can’t get to my clothes. My right foot is so swollen I can’t even put on a pair of shoes. On Tuesday, I did something to my left leg, to the muscle. I can barely walk.
I hurt. I’m hungry. I can’t drive anywhere. I can’t even clean out the litter box. On Monday I spent a pile of money having my house cleaned. That was a joke. I can’t even limp around to tidy things. I can’t cook anything – after spending money at the grocery store. I could sit here an die and no one but my sister would even give a shit.
No one calls me. I no longer get email from friends. No one even remembers I’m a writer. Why bother? I gave it up to do the right thing. There is a moral here. Life sucks when you do the right thing. As a single woman, my life is screwed. The big fat lie of feminism is women can have it all.
The only way a woman can become even financially secure is to inherit money, be one of the fortunate souls who hit the jackpot, or through marriage, life insurance, and divorce. On our own, we women cannot survive. Without grown children, we don’t survive.
Behold our brave new world.